Creating Independence Without Letting Go of Connection

April 2025 - One of the most misunderstood ideas in education and human services is that independence means doing it alone.

Across my career, whether working in schools, leading transition programs, or supporting adults in community-based living, I’ve encountered this misconception repeatedly. There’s a belief that the mark of true growth is the ability to "let go" completely. But what if that belief is actually holding us back from building true, sustainable independence?

Real independence is not about detachment. It’s about developing agency that is supported by connection. It’s about knowing how to think through a challenge, how to access help when needed, and how to confidently make decisions rooted in one’s own values and understanding.

That belief guides how I lead, how I train staff, and how I approach every student or adult I work with.

From Compliance to Cognitive Growth

Too often, support systems, especially for neurodiverse or school-dependent individuals, default to one of two extremes: either over-scaffolding and limiting independence, or pulling away too fast in an effort to foster it.

In both cases, we risk centering compliance rather than cognitive development.

That’s where mediated learning comes in. Reuven Feuerstein’s theory radically shifted my understanding of how learning happens. His foundational belief, that intelligence is not fixed and that all people can grow cognitively when provided meaningful mediation, reshapes the question from “Can this person do it independently?” to “How can I help them think through this, so they become independent over time?”

Mediated learning is not just a strategy. It’s a mindset. It requires patience, relationship, and reflection. But most of all, it requires belief in the learner’s potential.

School-Dependent Doesn’t Mean Less Capable

Dr. Yvette Jackson, in The Pedagogy of Confidence, argues that one of the most dangerous myths in education is the belief that students from under-resourced environments are somehow less capable. What they actually are is school-dependent which means their ability to grow relies heavily on what schools (or support organizations) provide.

This concept doesn’t just apply to urban K–12 environments. I’ve seen it in disability services, too. Adults who have been institutionalized or written off because of “behavioral challenges” are often entirely dependent on their support staff for access to meaningful growth experiences.

That dependency should not be viewed as a weakness. It should be a call to action.

When we frame school- or service-dependence through a deficit lens, we instinctively pull back opportunities such as limiting curriculum, simplifying tasks, or lowering expectations. But when we see it as a signal that someone’s growth depends on us providing the right cognitive nourishment, we begin to shift the entire system.

We begin to nurture confidence instead of compliance.

Redefining Independence

True independence is not about doing it alone. It’s about being able to navigate complex situations with confidence, supported by internal and external resources. It is deeply intertwined with connection; to mentors, to systems of support, and to a sense of identity and belonging.

This is especially true for adolescents and adults in transition.

Whether a student is preparing to graduate high school or an adult is learning to self-advocate after years in a restrictive environment, their progress doesn’t come from removing supports too quickly. It comes from redefining support as a tool for growth rather than a sign of dependency.

One of my mentors would often say, “We don’t remove scaffolding to prove someone is independent. We remove scaffolding because they’ve internalized the structure.”

The Power of Mediated Relationships

The bridge between support and independence is the mediated relationship. This is not hand-holding. It’s not learned helplessness. It’s a relational, reflective, and empowering process rooted in belief.

In my work, this looks like:

• Asking a young adult not just what they want to do, but why; and helping them explore their reasoning

• Encouraging a team to pause during a behavioral crisis and look for the unmet need or pattern behind the action

• Guiding support staff to reflect out loud with clients about decisions they’ve made and what they’re learning about themselves in the process

These are not "soft skills." They’re core developmental moments that build executive functioning, self-awareness, and long-term independence. They are also practices that directly counter the legacy of deficit-based systems that have labeled people for what they can’t do, rather than investing in what they can become.

Creating a Culture Where Confidence Can Thrive

According to Jackson, when educators operate from a Pedagogy of Confidence, they approach every learner with the assumption of high intellectual potential. And they back that belief with high-challenge, high-support systems.

As leaders, we have a responsibility to build cultures where that belief is not just present, but operationalized. That means:

• Structuring teams around strengths-based practices, not compliance checklists

• Coaching staff to reflect with the people they support, not speak over them

• Providing space for curiosity, autonomy, and meaningful contribution

• Holding expectations that are high, but not dehumanizing

It also means having the courage to disrupt models that define success as independence alone. Because confidence, not compliance, is the foundation of long-term achievement.

This Work Is Not Meant to Be Done Alone

Educators and support staff often feel the pressure to “make it happen” without enough time, resources, or encouragement. Many believe in this kind of work—personalized, cognitively rich, and connection-based—but feel isolated trying to do it in systems that still prioritize minimum proficiency over potential.

I’ve felt that weight too.

That’s why I believe so strongly in building mediative learning communities, where growth is not just something we expect from students or clients, but something we invest in as professionals.

When we feel connected to our purpose, supported by leadership, and reminded of what we’re capable of, we are more likely to extend that same confidence to the people we serve.

Leadership isn’t just about setting a direction. It’s about creating the conditions where everyone, staff, students, and clients, feels empowered to learn, reflect, and grow.

Independence With Belonging

In every setting I’ve led, one truth remains constant: people grow best when they know they belong.

Belonging doesn’t end when someone learns a new skill or ages out of a service. In fact, that’s when it matters most. Our job is not to remove connection in the name of progress. Our job is to evolve that connection into something sustainable, something that affirms a person’s capacity and supports their journey forward.

We don’t just build systems. We build people. And that work requires both courage and care.

Reflection

1. Where in my work do I unintentionally frame independence as detachment?

2. What shifts could I make to turn support into a pathway for reflection and confidence?

3. How does my system reward compliance, and how might I center growth instead?

4. What would it look like to create a culture where both staff and students feel safe to explore their potential?

All content on this blog belongs to the author, Bert Strassburg. If you'd like to share, modify, or distribute anything, please reach out for written permission. Feel free to contact me with any questions at:  bert.strassburg@gmail.com.